Unforgettable.

You know those moments that are unforgettable? Your first anything, possibly. Good example would be your first kiss. First makeout, along those lines. Sometimes, though, you just want to forget. The tears rip down your cheeks, and your eyes sting whenever you think about it. Maybe its just me, but last night I laid in my bed and cried because I wanted to forget. I wondered what life would be like without our having met. I didn't want to feel sad every time I thought about it. I didn't want any of that. Is that what heartbreak is? Is that what I'll feel every time something good ends? I don't want it to be. I don't want to cry whenever something good ends. I dont want there to be ENDS. But that's life. C'est la vie.

Pounding Head

to match
pounding heart.
sweaty palms,
jittery.
Nervous?
Of what, may I
inquire? Or rather,
can I guess.
Each second marks
a steady pounding
of head and heart
and blood,
synced in rhythm.
Sweaty-palmed
hand grip,
waiting; waiting.
Are you going,
going, gone?
Please don't leave.

Lend Me A Hand

I've been studying for my first AP test! Yes, that's right. AP. As in, college level. oh, shoot me now. But I'm on break to get on my much loved computer. I swear, I can type faster than write these days. Well, that's an exaggeration, seeing as I make more mistakes when I type. Anywho. These last few days have been, well, sort of hectic and making me ponder some things in my life. I won't name names, though. Even though not many people read this (aka, like none) I don't want to get too too personal.

Shoutout to my lovely Anna Banana: Don't worry about writing back late! If I'd gotten your letter last week, I would be writing back late, too. School is stressfull. Don't worry, Anna, I still love you :). I seriously miss you and I think that you NEED to come to Indy sometime soon, like, tomorrow preferably. But if not, letters are good enough, even if theyre slow, they are so much more special than email. None of the past few posts have been about you, dear. Not the bad ones, anyway....

I'm reading a new book (surprise, surprise!) and it's about (somewhat) internet dating. Internet dating is stupid. Sorry. I mean, for our age. That being teens. Adults are more responsible and can get themselves out of sticky situations. Kids? Not so much. I would never give my address to a kid I didn't know.

Tomorrow is my daddy's birthday. I wrote him a poem:

Forever

Warm night,
Stars sparkle a shade
of contentment.
Soft grass beneath
bare toes.
Tilt your head back
to see the night;
Lift your arms,
In hopes of taking flight.
Let the air rush
over you.
Do you feel
Like forever?

Calm Your Nerves Now, Don't Worry

You had your chance. In fact, I gave you plenty. But you have a shield up, don't you? It's some kind of wall that you put up, for me to tear down. I get a brick, maybe two. But it just goes back up. I don't know what else to do. I'd give you everything, but I've got nothing left. Just me. But you won't take that, either. Will you?

Hate Me

You can talk to me,
you always could.
But instead, you sit,
locked away in your room.
Do you bleed often now?
More often than before,
When you did talk to me?
Do you ever cry.

You can talk to me,
but you shy away.
Bury yourself in a wall
of harsh words and
loud music, plugged in.
You hide away
to see who will take down
the wall.

You can talk to me,
but I don't think you ever will.
You compare yourself to me.
Am I perfect, in your eyes?
Am I better than you?
Don't compare us.
I am not you,
talk to me.

You can talk to me,
I want to scream it in your face.
Take away the blades
and slide the shield away.
Let me in,
Open the doors.
I'm begging you.
Don't let us slip away.

You need to come home, my skeleton

This world is amazing. Don't you just want to live it all? See a sunrise and a sunset in one sitting. Talk about everything and nothing all night long. See the sky, and the grass and the trees and the colour of flowers not yet bloomed and the sky at twilight, when the world is blue for a moment. I sit and think and I want to see it all, and it makes me sad that I might not be able to. I want to do everything worth doing. I want to BE. For some people, life might not be worth it. For me, it will be. I will make it worth living. Its hard for me to understand that some lives are not worth living, because if you want to, you can make life better than what you dreamed it could be. Life is worth living. Let's get living :)

Come, closer

Hands shaking
ans you run them
over and over agian,
through your hair.
Frantic fingers
tracing labyrinths.
Scattered thought
running rounds
inside your head.
Scream, go on.
Let it out.
Whisper words,
frenzied fingers,
tangled thoughts.
Release yourself,
come to me.