My room smells like smoke. I'm choking on it. I want to go to bed. but I want to DO something. I have a sort of urgency to do something. I'm afraid its going to spew out the wrong way. Maybe I'll do something stupid. But at this point, anything is really the wrong thing. I'm just bored with everything and I don't think I fit into any of the little places that I used to fill so well. I don't really fit anywhere. I fit into my bed, into my room, into my pen. But I don't fit into the little spaces people have shoved me into, and pushed aside. I'm not going to be boxed away. I want to be where I want, and not have to fit into where someone puts me. I am not smiley all the time. I don't really want to fit into any of those places either. I want to be free. I don't really know what i want, but I don't want this.
Don't get me wrong. My life is not bad. I love my friends, but lately some are getting on my last nerve. I just need to talk to someone who won't judge, or won't try to tell me everything is going to be okay when nothing is really wrong. I don't want to be told that its all perfect and peachy when that's really the problem. "fine" is a filler. I'm in a mood, of course, what with my computer moving at the speed of a dying snail finishing a race. But I'll be "fine" again. But fine is bullshit, and I'm going to change something. Maybe. I just hope its not the wrong thing.
Anna, your letter is sitting, licked and adressed, ready to be sent out whenever I get a stamp, kiss it, and send it off.
I was told to smack you across the face and tell you to stop being emo.
ReplyDeleteI'm worried. :(