journal

So, I haven't really kept a journal in a while. I've been busy. Schoolwork, i suppose? that's not really it. I've been too busy to write, but the desire to do so has hit me, and hit me hard. Its this whole two-books-one-day thing. I love it.
So, it hit me how badly, how achingly, i want an adventure. anything away from the norm. and I don't mean me going all 'hipster indie' which people mistakenly think is cool and unique. Unique is not looking and acting the same as everyone around you! Really, people. No. I want to get away from here. Starting over new doesn't sound half bad right now. In fact, it sounds perfectly dandy. But i'm tethered here. and what if i wasn't at hse for the french trip? I'd die, i think. because that's what my life revolves around. the next something exciting. But does my life take a pit stop for a year while i wait around to get it? Im going to california this summer, but I really just want to go somewhere... by myself. So I can be independent and not have to be on a family trip where I have to abide by the whims of others. But you know what? I'm too fucking young. How much does that suck? being 15. I'd really rather skip the next two year, fuck not growing up too fast.I don't really fit here, anywhere. Trivial things bore me, and little problems just blow over my head. I want something more. I love reading and just losing myself into it because its better there. In those books.

I want to travel europe. I speak dutch, english, french. I'll do fine in europe. I just need a shitton of money and permission, which is very hard to come by. this girl, in the book im reading, is 17 and backpacking europe! what's up with that? I'd have to be 18 and moved out out out to even consider doing that. I just wish it could happen. but my parents, paranoid, won't let me do anything because im a girl and in their eyes, girls are fragile and succeptible to anything and everything prowling the streets. I can defend myself, thank you!

It's late. Good night, internet world. i wish you well