Goodbye

I was thinking about it, dork that I am, as I was watching iCarly. How could you begin to say goodbye to the life youve built? A home, a room, a niche, so to speak. A place where you feel as if you sometimes belong. Where you can ask a room full of people for a ride home, and have people offer to drive you, if you needed it. Where you know your way around the town. My teacher today said "some of you may be counting the minutes until you get out of here. My friend up in Chicago wants to leave Chicago, too. Because you know your way around. You know?" And I did. How many times have I dreamed of getting out of Indy? Of moving somewhere else, and getting to start over. Why would I want to start over me? I mean, of course I know the appeal. But the more I think about it, were I at boarding school right now, I doubt that I'd be adjusted. I'd be homesick and crying for my mom and dad and friends and good old school. Maybe. As much as I wish I were rich and couldve gone, a part of me is happy that I didnt, because I want my high school years to be surrounded by friends that know me and love me all the same.

For some reason, all I want to do right now is cry. Maybe its because I don't know how to get together with old friends. I've missed so much. In some cases, I think we can catch up. In others.... I don't even know anymore. Maybe it's the fact that my fingers hurt from cello and typing. Or, that besides near constant homework work, I'm behind in some classes. Or maybe I just need to cry because my head is full of thoughts, and I just want to forget some things. But it's harder and harder. In some respects, I'm done.

And a run to the mailbox to mail a letter might have been just what I needed.