Real

The sky is bleeding again.
The earth is drinking;
greedily slurping.
Fingers reach up,
drawing away bloodied.
Beneath the earth,
something writhes
in the sky's earth.
Shades of hurt,
colouring the horizon.
The sky is bleeding again
and down, down it drips.
Readily soaking
our fingers that
eagerly reach up
towards the end.

All Nighter

Yes! I pulled an all nighter! Check that off my list. Ooh, and also "sing at the top of my lungs" because I did that at What Happens in Vegas... So yay, two down. Now, let me tell you about this epic all nighter....

We went and saw The Proposal at something around six, and after the movie was over, we all hung out at the theater until about ten thirty, and didn't get home until eleven, about. Then, I have no idea what we did until one, which is when we were going to watch a movie. But there was no junk food! You need junk food for a movie. So her mom (her mom is so sweet!) took us to Meijer at one in the morning for junk food and butter. Butter for her, because she claimed she needed it. Hah. Anyway, we got back and watched the movie, and that was over at about three thirty. I was still pretty awake, so we were talking and my friend goes "Hey, you guys want to fork Kendra's yard? She forked mine yesterday! Payback!" So obviously, I went along. Forking a yard is when you take alot of plastic forks and stick them prong side up in the yard. It looks awesome and it's a pain to clean up, Ive heard. Also, we maxi-padded the front steps. Thats when you take some pads and stick them all over and pour ketchup on them. And we went a little crazy with the ketchup, because we trailed it all the way down the walkway and it was a big mess. I'll put pictures up later. But that took about until four thirty ish. Then. Yes, there is more! We all three got some sidewalk chalk to go write stuff in our friends driveway. On the way there, we noticed this car. Oh, it looked empty. Then, we heard a cough. Not us. I swear, my heart nearly popped out of my chest! We kept walking, faster now, and cut through back yards and everything to avoid the car (and, though I didn't see anyone, Halle claims to have seen a guy with a beer belly and knee high socks walking behind us). We sprinted back and it was such a thrill. It was scary, but don't we secretly like scary things? It was the kind of thing you only picture happening in books or TV, but it actually happened to us! It was such a rush and so fun, actually. After that, it was almost five thirty and we read notes until like six thirty and then Syd and I stayed up talking until about seven. My all nighter was complete!

This morning I got home and I had a letter waiting for me! I screamed and jumped around, I was so excited. I am writing back right now! I promise!

500 Days of Summer

Today, I did many things. Shall I make a list? I do enjoy lists!

• Bought Strap Perfect (!) with my friend
• Visited an abandoned house
• ate at Yogi
• saw 500 Days of Summer

Thats not really ALL I did today, but they were some highlights. The strap perfect? Well, we made this list. And its a list of things to do together before we die. One? But something from a TV infomercial. And there it was. Strap Perfect! And I was so excited all day. Because they work! I understand now why people buy those things off of TV. It the excitement of getting something that you haven't yet tried and when you get it and it works, it's amazing because you kind of want to shout to the world that it works, and its not as useless as some people say it is. Because guess what? You couldn't see my bra straps all day!

The abandoned house is what it is. Beautiful, and ruined. And there is all that is needed to be said.

Yogi is a frozen yogurt place near my friends house. Also amazing.

And 500 Days of Summer. A movie, for those of you who are not familiar. (all three of my followers, tee hee). Anyway. It was a really great movie, in my opinion. The first part said "This movie is a work of fiction and the characters were not based off of real people, living or dead" and then "Except you, Jenny Whateverherlastnamewas" and then "Bitch." I laughed so hard. Maybe its an on-screen moment type thing where you have to see it to laugh but it was just funny to me because it was obviously a joke and we need things like that in our lives. The movie wasn't about finding love or anything. It was about the journey of life and all the turns it takes you through. Life is a journey and we can write the greeting cards to express it or we can be the architect of our own lives. Either way, we're on our own. There was one part, and he was saying how greeting cards are bullshit because if you send a card, why not just say it in person? "hey happy birthday" card, guess we're not hanging out today. We have the words put into our mouths because we are too afraid to say what we mean anymore. How true.

So tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love.... -Owl City-

I started thinking (which is never a good thing!) and I want my blog to mean something to somebody. Maybe make a difference in just one person's life. Just one. That would make my day or year or maybe even life. If by writing something, I could make a difference for just one person, it would mean the world to me. But for now I'm content with this. Sitting on my bed writing on my blog just because I have something to say.

Worldly? Me?

Have you ever heard of Operation Friendship? Well, its kids from other countries coming to America, staying in peoples' houses. Then, the kids in the families of the houses can go to a different country sometime, too. No, I am not apart of Operation Friendship. My friend is though. So she has a girl from Wales, England staying with her. Today there was an Operation Friendship picnic and my friend could invite two friends to join her, and I got to go! There are eight visiting people from Wales. Talking to them was really awesome because they all have amazing accents, and you start to talk like them after a while! Hopefully I'll get to see all of them again before they leave! It really was an experience.

Goodness. I need to go work on summer reading. five more chapters today? Well... maybe just one poem.

What is home?
"Where the heart is"
Seems meager
constitution for the word.
Is home where you
long for, even if
your are there?
Is home some inane
idea, to make us
believe that we

belong?

Times Have Changed

I was reading through a not-so-old-yet notebook that i brought with me to my Euro-trek this summer and found this.. "We are all liars. It's so much easier to type than it is to say. So none of us say what we mean anymore." How true is that? If you want to say something hard, you'll text the person, or email, or call them. Face to face is just hard these days. Everything is impersonal. Only type what you would say is what I stick to. If I can say it, I can surely type it.

My friend, Anna Banana (no way that too childish!) was talking about the meaning of beautiful. What is beautiful? Something pleasing to the eye? No. Music is beautiful. Words are beautiful. Meanings are beautiful. So is beautiful a standard? Or is it something that exsists only in our own minds? I see things differently than other people may, so in my eyes, a gross old house may be gross to others but very beautiful to me. Yet... that doesn't help in wanting to know what beautiful is. If you know, let me know. I wonder about this.

Silent

No noise, just light

better not to hear
the shouts of pain,
of suffering and woe.
better not to hear
the cries of everyday
tragedies.

Will you stand alone
on a shore at night
and wonder, wonder
of things left untold.
will you be coming,
or will you be leaving?
will you really be
alone?

The water is silent,
fitting.
The sky's light
unfading, but
leaving us in
darkness.
Across the water,
people wish.
Across the water,
a city sleeps.
But you,
you stand alone.

What Happens in Vegas...

Another night, another amazing concert. This summer has been amazing for me. I got to see My Favorite Highway, The Summer Set, Eye Alaska, A Rocket to the Moon and The Cab!!! I have to say, all of those bands are really really good. Even Eye Alaska, which is not really my favorite kind of music. Sort of hip hop rapish but also punk pop. I really had fun though.
Which is why it bothered me that the girls in front of me most of the concert did nothing! They didn't jump around or anything. They took alot of pictures (some of them of themselves) and talked to each other. I just wanted to punch them in the face! Ah!
I want to put some song lyrics up here from a band that I really love, Motion City Soundtrack. I think its beautiful how songs are poetry, too.
It seemed like a dream, a beautiful scream that echoed forever
and made us not afraid to feel a thing
and after it ends, we'll try to be friends
they say that what doesn't kill us makes us who we are

The Future Freaks Me Out

I was sitting today, reading my summer reading book, Great Expectations by Dickens. Which, surprisingly, I enjoy quite a bit. Anyway. Have you ever just sat and though about.... tomorrow? Not the literal tomorrow, not always. I mean the future farther than you can see. Where will you live? What will you be doing? Will you be happy? Sure, you can say what you WANT to be when you grow up. But, what if that doesn't work out? What if you lose your job or never even find one? Will I ever be content to just live in one place? The country is too open, the suburbs too boring, the city to chaotic for me to live in all the time. Maybe I'll travel all the time. But I cant do that. No money, no job, nothing. Maybe I'll open a bookshop. Maybe I'll have to be a teacher or... or a something else. The future scares the shit out of me. How can I plan for years and years ahead if I can't even get a solid idea of next week? How can anyone? My parents did it, didnt they? It is possible. But i wonder if they would be happier if they had done something else with their life. I wonder if they are happy. I wonder if I'll ever be...

Again?

In a corner,
or is it really a corner?
metaphorically speaking I would suppose so
but the tears well up anyway,
dont they?
They want to travel down, down, down
to become one with the earth.
Can I even explain the sadness away?
force the tears back
and wipe away the redness in my eyes.
To clear away what once was
and create a new
'to be'

They Don't Know You Like I Do

summer is nearly over! whatever will we do?! I still have to finish the horrid summer reading. I mean, the books arent bad, but I would like to read them on my own time and without the weird assignments for them. Already I am dreading high school. Ooooh big bad high school. Im not afraid I'll get lost or anything. Im more afraid that Ive overloaded myself and Ill find out that I cant handle it as well as I thought I could.

Don't you ever wonder how life would be if we didnt have cars? Would this global warming thing happen at all? How would we get places? Horse? Or what if there were trains to get everywhere, its more efficient of energy and you can get off at a stop and then walk to wherever. Hmmm...

Shh. It Happens

Last night was the Shh. It Happens tour with (supposed to be) Every Avenue, Cash Cash, Valencia, Sparks the Rescue, and The Morning Light. But shit does happen, so Every Avenue dropped out, I have no clue what happened to The Morning Light, but Phone Calls From Home and Friday Night Fever did play instead. I know that may sound just like a bunch of words thrown together to form band names, but all of those bands are pretty dang amazing. I have a new love for Cash Cash.

So you know how celebrities are supposed to be all... mean? I don't know if you would count band memebers of smaller bands as celebrities, but they are all so NICE! I must have talked to some of them eight times, just because they are real people and fun to talk to. Also get pictures with, tee hee.

Anywho. I completely forgot what this post was going to actually be about other than me ranting about the amazing concert last night. Maybe... something meaningful. Wouldnt that be nice?

oh! I got this sticker and it says "Rescue the Broken; Mend the Broken; Support the Broken; Defend the Broken" and I loved it. Just thought I should let you know :)

These are the moments, arent they?

Arent these moments, the summers and falls and outfits and parties and concerts, the ones we will all remember? Or will they fade to memory and become harder to remember who we were with, what we were doing, or even what happened? Im not sure if Im just babbling or if Im making some sense. But.... I hope that I will remember everything about this summer and my life when I was young and happy and carefree. When I believed I could make an impact on the world. Who knows how long I'll feel this way? Hopefully my entire life, but dreams fade and sometimes, we forget. I think I will always be a kid at heart. I'd like to be, at least. To know the world isn't all bad. Is that how little kids think? I sure hope so.

There is this line in a song that says "What doesn't kill us makes us who we are" and I thought it was really good. Go listen to Motion City Sountrack! But isn't it true..? If you survive, you gain that. and you may try again, or never again, either way. It affected you more than you might realize. Once I fell off my bike really hard. But I got back on the bike, and I still take bike rides. But I am afraid of ditches on the side of the road and get really apprehensive when we have to bike on the road and there's a ditch on the side. But it didnt kill me! Right?

Also.... I know of a house. It's broken down and damaged and left alone. Sometimes I just want to cry for this house. Break down into tears and cry. Have you ever wanted to cry for the world? Think. Somewhere, someone is dieing; someone is having their heart broken; someone is falling in love; someone is getting hurt; a million tears are being cried; too many laughs to count; someone somewhere is being abused; someone is being raped; someone is losing someone. I dont mean to be a downer. But I think sometimes we get wrapped up in our own problems and we need to take the time to think about the world as a whole.

Harry Potter Madness and Post Secrets

Today (technically tomorrow?) is the day of the Harry Potter Six premier. I know some people may be excited for this, but honestly I am less than excited. I am not attending the midnight showing. I will probably be asleep because lately I have been super exhausted. I hope that the movie is decent, though, because if its not I will likely never hear the end of it from the more avid of the harry potter fans in my family. I am the only one who hasnt even read the books in my family (dont shoot me!). I am guilty of having a momentary obsession with Twilight. I'm happily over it, though. Thank goodness.

Today, I was in Borders reading the PostSecret books. If you havent heard of them, go to http://www.PostSecret.com right now and become familiar with the amazingness that is PostSecret. I have always wanted to send one in, and I think that I might just send one one of these days. But as I was chatting with my friend, another sort of barged into the conversation (don't you hate that?) while I was talking about creating a PostSecret and said 'I have a stack of PostSecret under my bed' in an annoyingly smug voice, of course grabbing every bit of attention in the room to her. I dont mean to sound... well, mean, but it bothered me that she did this, because I was having a nice conversation. Have you ever had a friend who likes to take the attention?

Now, because I think that I ramble about myself too much, a bit of flash fiction. Flash fiction is a 'story' by loosely defined terms in 100 words or less. Mine is ten. Enjoy

A sweetly whispered voice in my ear, "It is time."

Paris

Paris Ride

the subway ride seemed

to stretch on and on

the cheery musician begging

for coins I didn't have

and my knees bumping together.

I could be anywhere.

But then-- then!

the tunnel opened to air,

real air, and I saw.

It loomed over us all,

the city, the people,

My thoughts.

I smiled.

I was in Paris.

Keyboard or Pen?

I noticed today that I have a blog, a 'diary' which i call a journal and a writing notebook. Why do i have all of these things? The writing notebook is obvious, because i went to writing camp and its on the go writing for when im not around a computer or internet. Poems, thoughts, lists, tidbits. But.... a diary and a blog? arent they one and the same? Or whatever that expression is. I thought about it. A blog is an online diary that nobody knows who you are (or do they?) and youre supposed to put your feelings and thoughts down and let them be known to the world because what anyone has to say is important. But... I dont want random ( or not so random) people reading about my struggles and shortcomings and every problem, petty or no, in my life. So, the need for a diary and a blog. Sorry if some of you feel like youre being cheated out of my thoughts. Youre not, trust me! I go to my blog more often than my diary, anyway. And I do sort of prefer pen and ink for a first draft of poems so there is not help for that. But... If i enjoy some of my poems enough, I will type them for my blog! And now, good night! It's going to be another early morning....

p.s. Yes, I did take that picture. Yes, I was there :)

How to not go home for nearly two days straight

Yes, I am home again. After being gone since... two oclock two days ago? i got home at like eight... so i was really gone for pretty much two days. How is that possible? Well, hang out with one friend all afternoon and then go to anothers for a sleepover (allnighter try) and then go to the movies with a big group the next day and go to another friends house the rest of the day from that. Get home whenever. That is how you do it! Wow

So, Mine and Akiras all nighter try? It was, sad to say, a failure. We made it until four thirty, fiveish in the morning. And then... ran out of things to do that would actually keep us awake. News flash: TV does not keep you awake. Sorry. In total, we did: Made cookies. Made veggie burgers and ate them. Went on a 'walk'. Dyed her hair. Watched many episodes of Degrassi (my obsession!). Snuck out at about four. Computer time. Talked about everything and anything and nothing at the same time. I'd say it was a pretty good night, wouldnt you?

A thought struck me today. Everyone wants to be what they're not. Dont they? Sometimes I wish I were not me and that i could just fly away. Is that why acting is so fun? You get to be not yourself for a while.

All nighter?

I am with Akira, and we are trying to accomplish something that i have not yet done in my fourteen years; pull an all nighter. How hard can that be? Watching trash TV and eating everything in sight because we are 14 and that is what we do. Sneaking out just for thrills. Talking about nothing and everything at the same time. Isnt that what makes friends, afterall? Just being there, no matter what? Think about it. Its food for thought (I am assuming youre hungry).

Since pulling an all nighter is on my list, hope that i cross it off tonight. But.. what is an all nighter? when do you finally get to crash? Hmmm.

One final thought: (from my friend today, and i loved it!) "We laughed and laughed and it was the lonliest thing I had ever heard"

Before I Die

The list of things I want to accoplish before I die:
1. sing at the top of my lungs
2. find myself
3. visit Rome
4.Make out with a random stranger
5. write a book and finish it
6. get something i wrote published
7.climb a tree and read in it
8. fall in love
9. love myself
10. see anna again
11. roadtrip the country
12. hitchhike
13. say yes to everything for a day
14. backstage at a concert
15. get hopelessly lost
16. get a tattoo
17. swim to the island in Geist
18. read Wuthering Heights
19. break someone's heart
20. make a quilt
21. pull an all nighter
22. learn to play the drums
23. fly first class
24. get my nose peirced
25. go skinny dipping
26. scream at someone who isnt there
27. touch my tongue to my nose
28. skydive

As promised, my Warped summer updates since i was tired last night. The best band? Hmm that's tough. I really liked being UP FRONT at VersaEmerge and Dreams of University but Chiodos and A Day to Remember were really fun, even if i did gather a couple bruises. I crowd surfed for the first time ever, and got dropped also. I think that getting dropped was also fun, as weird as that is. I got a WEIRD tanline from my shirts and my shorts and even (gasp) my hair. so i put it up in a bun or whatever after my sister so kindly pointed it out to me. I highly recommend going to concerts! You will never ever forget them.

Okay, so i was thinking. And how much easier is it to make friends with guys than with girls? guys are so much more easygoing. Girls are silently judging you. All. the. Time. guys? maybe, but i wouldnt know. So if you go up to a guy and ask them something silly like "what is the sacred food on earth?" they are more likely to answer and laugh along with you than to give you a weird look and walk away. I personally have alot of friends that are girls but sometimes its fun just to hang with the guys. Am i right?

Well, thats pretty much it. Bye :)

a Warped summer

Warped tour today. It was the most amazing thing ever. I saw so many bands and I got beat up a little bit at some of the shows but it was worth it. Signed shirts and CDs and getting horrible tanlines, it was just the icing on the awesome summer cake. Ill write more later, so tired! an entire day concert does that to you.

Another day, another five hours of summer gym... sigh. I mean, who really needs five hours of exercise? I am perfectly fine with my one to two. But I had to be an overachiever and take all honors classes AND art AND orchestra and have no more room for gym during the school year so i have to devote five hours of my day to it. Fun, fun. The sad part is, it actually IS fun some of the time. I get to hang with my friends (old and new! Yay to making new friends) and stay in shape. But other than that, its a big pain.

OH, and happy fourth of july, even though its really not the day America gained independance and so on. Fireworks are pretty and give pyros a good excuse to use fire!

One last thing, a poem. It goes with a printmaking thing I did recently but my camera is not working today so maybe ill put up the picture later.

Lost

Darkness in the room

a silent companion,

breath heavy on your neck.

Darkness closes your eyes

and smooths silence

across your lips.

Tears roll down

dripping off your face,

where Darkness grabs

for them, taking

your pain.

Your arm drapes over

your face, covered.

the silence, prods

at the little sobs.

Against a wall

with Darkness wrapped

around, eyes cloaked,

tears rolling,

you are lost.

Boredom and Summer Reading

Have you ever noticed how long summer is? Its ten weeks or some such thing. Why? Why dont we have month-long other breaks? and then less summer? Because if we had less summer, I would think there would be less summer reading and homework. I for one hate it! Who gives two books to read, with assignments on top of them? Two long and boring books, I might add. I find myself falling asleep reading sometimes, no joke.

In my quest for something to do today, I read a bit of the most boring book ever, and made a pair of sunglasses out of clay. I also wrote a number of poems and had time to spare and watch my new obsession, Degrassi. Why is that show so addicting? Certainly, it is entertaining, if only because my own life is so boring. It got me thinking, how I wish for a more exciting life, and if people were actually in that situation, they would likely wish for a boring life, more like mine.

I suppose I'll write more later, not that anyone is actually reading this, are they? Im new, I guess I'll learn and people will read my blog. But some stranger reading all about my boring adventures? Good luck, strangers of the world!

My First Blog

Well, today, I woke up and decided to do something productive. So, I went through my note box. That's right, I have a note box. And I found some letters from my friend from years ago, and one told me about a blog that she keeps (on this same site, gasp!) and I decided to keep my own blog, if only to have something to do in my freetime. Or to vent and such. But here is my very first blog post! I will learn as I go along. Ill keep you (whoever you is, that is a scary idea!) posted.